?What are some of the ways that you explain to kids that dad and mom need time alone, without feeling guilty about it??
A journalist, writing an article on having time alone and couple time if you have kids, asked me this question.
Parents will feel guilty only once they believe that they’re doing something wrong by hanging out alone and couple time without their children.
It is a false belief.
The simple truth is that children grow up far healthier emotionally when their parents are happy and fulfilled, even if this means that their parents spend less time with them. When parents understand that they are being good parents by talking loving care of themselves and their relationship, their children will understand this.
One way of helping children understand this is to introduce the concept of ?time alone? very early in a child?s life. By the time a child is three, he or she can easily understand the concept of time alone. If, every time you spend time alone together with your child, you say, ?This is our time alone,? your son or daughter will begin to understand the concept. When yizzly have time and energy to yourself, you can say, ?That is my time alone with myself.? When you spend time together with your partner, you can say, ?This is Dad and mom?s time alone together.? Parents can tell their children, the moment they are capable of understanding the words, ?We need time alone with you, with one another, and with ourselves. Most of us have to respect this about each other.?
Our three children fully understood the concept of ?time alone? because we spent time alone with each them. They found understand and respect at a very young age the need for time alone.
If you put yourself aside and don?t spend time with yourself and with your partner, you are giving your kids unhealthy role modeling. You’re teaching them that others are always in charge of meeting their needs. You are teaching them to feel eligible for your time and attention rather than helping them figure out how to respect others? time. You are teaching them that it is okay to demand that others put themselves aside for them, which might create narcissistic behavior.
Healthy parenting means finding a balance between being together with your children, being together with your partner, and being with yourself. For the children to cultivate up taking responsibility for their own needs and feelings, they have to see you taking responsibility to your requirements and feelings. Constantly sacrificing yourself for your children does not role model personal responsibility.
Children have to experience you as well as your spouse enjoying your time with each other, as well as with yourselves. They have to see you pursuing your work, hobbies, creativity and passions as a way to understand that they also have to find their passions. In case you are always there to meet your kids?s needs, how do they discover who they’re and what brings them joy? Always being there to meet your kids?s needs for entertainment creates a dependency on others rather than finding these resources within themselves.
Many people grow up being unsure of how to be alone with themselves. Since they were either always in front of a TV or being entertained by their parents, they never discovered how to ?play by themselves.?
Of course it is vital to have plenty of time alone with your children. Nonetheless it is equally important to have enough time alone together with your spouse and with yourself. Once you understand this, you’ll stop feeling guilty about taking your time and effort alone. When you no longer feel guilty, your kids will learn to stop guilting you and respect your needs.